It’s cobblering time!
Android 9 Pie is upon us, and besides trivial features like a new navigation system, okayish set of "digital wellbeing" features, and more battery savings, we have something actually worthwhile: a new dessert nickname. In this case, Pie.
The great thing about the Android ecosystem is that manufacturers can make changes to the operating system to make their own flavors of software. Similarly, the greatest thing about pie is that each baker can make changes to recipes to make their own unique flavors. If you don’t like pecan pie
you’re a complete and irredeemable monster you can grab a slice of apple pie and eat to your heart’s content. With that said, it’s time to find out if your favorite Android OEM matches your favorite pie flavor!
Google — Cream Pie
There aren’t many frills to a good cream pie, and there aren’t many frills to Google’s version of Android. Both a cream pie and Google’s Android will blind you with a stark white interface. Google’s Android won’t slow your phone down with questionable features, and a proper cream pie won’t slow you down with questionable ingredients. Anyone can jump into Google’s Android and feel comfortable, and anyone can bake a cream pie without too much trouble.
Samsung — Pumpkin Pie
Pumpkin pie is the most popular pie in the world according to five seconds of research, and Samsung’s software is the most popular version of Android according to the fact it’s the only OEM that consistently makes money on its mobile division. A pumpkin pie will leave you feeling a bit more bloated than a cream pie would, but the extra flavor is worth it. Pumpkin pie is a staple at many holiday dinners, and so are Samsung phones when you realize you have nothing else that’s interesting to talk about with your family.
LG — Sweet Potato Pie
It looks an awful lot like pumpkin pie, but once you bite in you immediately know that it isn’t, and you get kinda hungry for actual pumpkin pie. But you already said you’d eat sweet potato pie for the next two years, so this is just your life now. That’s not to say sweet potato pie isn’t delicious in its own right, and you can use the same toppings you planned on using with the pumpkin pie. At the end of the day, you still have a satisfying dessert.
OnePlus — Chocolate Satin Pie
OnePlus’ version of Android isn’t too different than what Google offers, and a chocolate satin pie isn’t much harder to make than a cream pie. One key feature on OnePlus phones is the system-wide dark theme, and a chocolate satin pie definitely looks like a dark themed version of a cream pie. It has a distinct flavor that most people will enjoy, and you can experiment with different ingredients on top of the core chocolate flavor.
Motorola — Modern Gourmet Foods Mini Apple Pie Baking Kit
There are few things more American than apple pie and a company based in Chicago. Sure, you can go to the store and buy a complete pie. OR, you can just get the pieces of a complete pie and put it together yourself. This takes some work, and some of the ingredients are… less than savory… but it also means you can include ingredients no one has thought of yet.
HTC — The crumbs at the bottom of a pie tin
There was something there at some point, but by now we’re not exactly sure what. And we’re not sure just how long this empty pie tin is going to be around when there are still some full pies out there. Every now and then, someone will come along and put more pie in this exact same tin, but then it’s empty again soon after.
Essential — discount pie that will probably make you sick
You know you want some pie, and you get to the freezer at your local grocery store. You find a flavor that looks great and — even better — it’s half off!. It’s from a brand you know and trust, but then you see the expiration date. It’s today. Yeah it’s on sale, but that’s still a lot of money to spend on a pie that may not be supported in the future. The pie itself is kinda barebones, and you have to pay extra money for toppings that other pie makers include in the base price. You buy the pie anyway and tell every single person — whether they asked or not — that it was the right choice.
Huawei — Pizza Pie
It’s the right shape, but that’s really it. It’s tasty, but it’s not at all what you imagine when you say "pie." You’re happy to have it, but you certainly can’t use the same toppings as on a regular pie. Unlike other pies, you can get this in truly large sizes so you can share it with others.
Xiaomi — Whataburger Apple Pies
The taste is almost there but the shape is definitely different, like it’s trying to be something else entirely. It’s still delicious, and it can survive on its own merits. Unfortunately, it’s only available in certain regions, meaning most customers don’t know this delicious pie even exists.
What say you?
Which pie flavor do you think represents your phone’s manufacturer? Let us know down below!
August 8, 2018 at 04:02AM